Religion and nation

It all started when an old shaheen named Gen Uftad-ul-naHaque realizing that there were a lot of potential shaheens in his country who could save the nation form the ongoing crisis of sheer lack of interest shown by jawans in the procces of building the Islamic state of Horror

Let me give a very important insight on our confused and hypocrite west- my brothers and sisters of the ummah - while they were busy spreading wrong news about our country to the world, they failed to see the very obvious, i.e. our society has a lot of deep thinkers, philosophers who are busy in reclaiming the image of Islam form the so called moderate scholars. They are busy round the clock in ‘reconstructing’ Islam and that too in most colorful manner.

Kirad ki ghulami seh azadi

It all started when an old shaheen named Gen Uftad-ul-naHaque realizing that there were a lot of potential shaheens in his country who could save the nation form the ongoing crisis i.e. the sheer lack of interest shown by jawans in the process of building an Islamic state of Horror. The picture in front of the General was grim and depressing. Instead of asking questions like how many light years away is God from earth or how much electricity could be produced form djinns the jawans were only focusing on how to optimize their chances of getting a date!

Then Dr purIsrar’s idea of Islamic state gave the hope that Gen Uftad-ul-naHaque needed badly. While the efforts were already under way to realize the dream of Dr. PurIsrar’s Islamic State of Horror by enacting laws that would enable the Shaheens to punish the second class infidel citizens whenever they feel like doing so. However there was still a dire need to keep the westernized women at bay and not let them pollute the minds and souls of the daughters of East.

But fortunately a number of fateful events lead to help the savior of this nation and he pounced on the first opportunity, i.e. make Hudood ordinance. This law was magical, now not only it helped the Shaheens quench their thirst to teach lesson to a westernized women, but also kept the women in their limits, helped them become most productive at what they do best i.e. do dirty laundry and raise future Shaheens of this nation.

That step was followed by certain invention for women who stay in Hudood. Stay at home female stock were provided with ample supply of gayee/bheins soap and Islamic washing machines which would spin form right to left and not the other way round.

The new righteous women were taught all the right things. A girl in all her holiness would raise her un-plucked eyebrow and voice her concern if she saw nail polish on another girl and would ask in the most polite manner: “don’t you offer namaz sister”? The pious girl would also be able to spot a slut among her class mates by observing the satanic ways that girl practiced. And to add to her accomplishments, she would also try to convert her Shia class fellows into Sunni whenever given the chance to do so.

There were of course small incidents that occurred here and there making it clearer that the west was indeed conspiring against the innocent Muslim. One fine day a Shaheen mistakenly gulped down mouth wash, the rest of the day did not went by as planned. To his utmost horror he came to know that he cleansed his mouth with not some cool mint flavor but it was the substance that had lead many astray. Thereafter mouthwash was proclaimed haram. Kids eating cute looking gummy bear jellies were found to contain gelatin coming from pig bones, even Lays chips were found to be fried in pig fat. All of this was a conspiracy to introduce gene mutations by serving haram food products to the young generation of Islamic State of Horror.

Jawanoon ka sooz-e jigar

Our jawans now aspire to become the celebrated naseem hijazian romance heroes. A hero who is fond of going on jihad and getting injured so that when he returns back a Shaheena preveen in distress sits beside his bed and wait for him to wake up so that she can cry while changing the plaster, thereafter ensuing the holy romance.

There was time when an immoral shaheen would have an affair with girl he liked and then would move on to marry that girl. Now the pious jawans don’t want to promote vulgarity, so after celebrating two or three consecutive valentine day aka haya-romance days, he asks his mother to search for the girl who can maintain the sacred level that the family enjoys. In addition to that he learned in his muslim-ummah-biology class that one shaheen mother meant whole generation of shaeens!

Fasl-e-gul

We now have many such jawans who go to farang land and the first challenge they meet there is how to marry a white kafir girl and convert her, if she refuse to budge…well nothing is lost. At least one gets his green card and now he can bring a halal wife from the land of pure. His kids will surely spread the message of love and peace that we want to propagate by blowing up people back home.

Cricket and hockey in few years will not be played anymore because these sports were brought to us by farangi infidels. We will also ban kabbadi because this kind of sport threatened the modest straight men and encouraged them to become gay when they see men dressed immodestly, just wearing thongs, to be more précises and wrestling. We have invented our very own national sport and that is throwing ink drenched balls on advertisement boards with pictures of women. The contestant who defaces the women’s face in one blow is the winner.

The young lot is no more slave of western thought today. It remains cold and unaffected by the night life of western people. While the poor white folk shake off the stress in bars, our Shaheens and Shaheenas watch each other Facebook profiles at night to check if anyone is diverting away from Islam. People now have to check each other’s religious status. Some go as far as posting pictures of snakes in newly dig graves to make them realize what will happen to them after death if they don’t pray five times a day.

In the process of de-satanization of our society and to form a true Islamic state of horror we have developed many forms of halal-o-meters. Now can we only survive in this society when we have chosen, among the various garden varieties of religious scholars, one as our peer murshad. Followed by that one must maneuver into rather critical grounds where one proves his/her devotion to that sect by proclaiming the rest as kufar and fitna. Adding to that, each one us has to have our very own philosophy regarding what religion ‘actually’ means to us. If we fail to give a mouth forming and heart rendering version, our Muslim brothers and sisters jump in to rescue us. All in all there are many encouraging signs telling us that this society has achieved the level of piety required to take on the world and spread the message of….ahm….peace.