Hundreds of women who would have spent their days in quiet comfort in our serene district jails, because they could not produce four adult, sane, pious, male, Muslim witnesses, will now be dragged through the courts and will have to bear the full brunt of the cross examination of the prurient defense counsel. Any faithful Muslim women would rather die than bear this humiliation
Ours is a religion which for the first time in human history has given the women the right to be raped with dignity. This is a great civilizational achievement. Empires have come and gone but the condition of the women did not change. Even in Arabia, they were buried alive. The so called modern west has turned them into a commodity. The French have banned the burqa which was the greatest advance in women’s liberation since the invention of the gas cooker. This is an atrocity. The women’s protection bill has allowed forensic evidence in cases of assault. This is infamy.
The consequences of this crime against humanity are there for all to see. Hundreds of women who would have spent their days in quiet comfort in our serene district jails, because they could not produce four adult, sane, pious, male, Muslim witnesses, will now be dragged through the courts and will have to bear the full brunt of the cross examination of the prurient defense counsel. Any faithful Muslim women would rather die than bear this humiliation.
All our amirs, naib amirs and arakeen are available to help. I have established a helpline, where any women in distress can call on a free phone number, and will be immediately attended to by Mujahideen on horseback, who will dismount for just enough time to stone them to death before resuming jihad on the Durand line.
The Women’s Protection Bill will promote nudity and obscenity in the society. We, as heirs to a great civilization, are opposed to nudity. We are not necessarily opposed to obscenity, as long as it does not involve nudity. We therefore support murder in the name of the blasphemy law, the bombing of girls school, killing of women in the name of honour, disruption of music, art, drama, sports and athletics.
We are especially opposed to marathons. This nefarious activity can prove to be the undoing of the Ummah. If our women are involved in a public display of stamina, men who are their guardians, as appointed by the Almighty, will have to be punished with fire, brimstone and my interviews on the day of judgment.
The time of the Jamaat has come. The philosophies of the east and west have failed. We offer the solution that the communism and the capitalism has failed to deliver. We offer the whole nation intellectually stimulating environment to inculcate indispensable qualities of leadership such as advanced delusion and mental derangement, as exemplified by yours truly. All we ask of you is devotion to our ideology and an IQ of a (bearded, male, pious) goat.
Anyone who questions my performance as Amir, imperils his faith and his prospects in this world and the hereafter. Anyone who casts aspersions on my deportment, strikes at the root of Islam and will be dealt with the full force of the organized hysteria of my party.
A new dawn awaits us. All just men will get unimaginable heavenly rewards. All raped women will get a dignified retirement to the district jail and a proper Sharia burial after being stoned to death.
Rt. Rev. M Hasan,
Bishop of Barking,
Of the Order of Hazrat Peter Pan.
| Hakim Hazik blogs at justicedeniedpk.com |
