Your Extreme Majesty, The Servitor of the Harmain Sharifain, please accept salutations from the Brothers Sharifain.
May the sun of Allah’s munificence always shine on Ras Tannura, may His abominations be funneled onto the American shale. May the sword of the Salafi justice always be sharp. May the necks of Sri Lankan maids always be soft. May Allah protect the Ummah from the heretics in Syria, from the Akhwan in Egypt, from the rioters in Bahrain and from your Bhabi in Jati Umrah.
Dear Brother in Islam,
Brother Khaqan Abbasi has upset the peace of the faithful. There is no petrol for the righteous 5 series BMW to ply on the straight and narrow. There is no gas except in the statements of the Prodigal Brother. Allah SWT instructs to give with one hand and the other hand does not know. Brother Dar gives with one hand and takes with the other. There is no circular railway. There is just circular debt, sloshing at the ears of Brother Dar.
If I had the power, I would call up Halaku Khan to wrap up Brother Abbasi. But then we have our own scion of the same dynasty wrecking the Bullet Train to Bukhara and building pyramids of severed heads in D-Chowk. May Allah let him enjoy the nuptials and keep him occupied in the matrimonial matters. May Allah put mercy in his heart as He has put Ms Reham in his household.
Ya Akhi,
I hear that the Emir of the Army of the Faithful has reshuffled his harem. I have seen him reciting some holy text in the most select of the select committees. He swears he is not in bed with Brother Haqqani any more. On the other hand, Maulana Sherani says that three divorces in one go are not allowed. If you ask me, I would say that years of marital harmony cannot be thrown out of the GHQ window overnight. I will only be convinced when the Tata lorry crosses Wahgah and Torkham on the same day and Hafiz Sahib goes for a long sabbatical with Boko Haram.
Dear Brother in Islam,
If you ask me, peace cannot come with the field general court martial, nor with the military appeals court. It can only come if the Geo channel goes back to number seventeen from number sixty five, Ghamidi Sahib comes back to Bahawalpur from Kuala Lumpur and Mama Qadeer becomes a Senator.
What is more likely to happen, Your Majesty, is that the Emir of the Faithful will be waving his fist from time to time in Tarbela and vowing to protect the honour of the army, General Tinpot will be strutting about on the public stage decrying the bloody civilians, General Pasha will be deciding on the amount of Ovaltine to drink for Brohter Khan and the Air Canada seasonal tickets for Brother Qadri. At the same time Ms. Harf will be fluttering her eyelids and issuing heart warming statements about the GHQ.
May Allah SWT grant her wishes.
Meanwhile, I am minded to take a leaf out of Halaku Khan’s book and have Brother Abbasi pummeled by Abid Sher Ali.
